HELP PAGES

Stress & Trauma

Stress

The greatest trials came four to six months after the fire. Just as I'd made up my mind to get on with life, life decided it wasn't done with me. I began to have anxiety attacks, losing control of myself in a way so totally foreign to my way of life. Disturbed, I went to the doctor to make sure that I was physically OK. When he suggested the possibility of my taking antidepressants, I was so sure, at that moment, of my intention to walk and deal with these emotions, it took my breath away. It was an opportunity for my growth, for my spiritual evolution. I wanted to fully take as part of my life's lessons—the lessons that began with bursts of violent flames and black, black smoke.

This was an opportunity to transform adversity into advantage. It is recognised that people can work themselves to a standstill. There is a point at which both body and mind will no longer cooperate. At this point, some of the points below may be helpful...

Allow yourself to feel bad, cry and release negative emotions in a healthy manner.
Give yourself permission to feel good. You can have periods of joy even when coping with loss.
Make small decisions daily in order to feel in control of your life once more.
Put off major life decisions, such as switching jobs, if possible.
Lower your expectations of what you “should be doing.”
Establish routines to do the regular things that need doing every day.
Spend time with people - go for dinner with friends
Take breaks - see a movie, go for coffee, take a walk, read a book, watch your favourite TV show, just sit and do nothing.
Talk about your ordeal with friends and family or a psychologist
Talk to your partner. Plan, set new goals together. You are both suffering the aftermath of trauma and there maybe conflict, irritation. You experience things differently.
Take advantage of offered help and community support.
Focus on what you are thankful for in spite of your loss.
Stay away from mood-altering substances.
Getting plenty of rest when possible and maintain a normal sleep/wake cycle. See a doctor if you are not sleeping.
Read "Recovery Stages" for reassurance that what you are feeling is part of the recovery process.
Eat well-balanced meals.

Roughly four months after my husband, appeared to be emotionally detached from everything. He just became the doer, tackling each problem with a rapid, single mindedness rationality. Seeing his cold detachment was sometimes frustrating, but that was nothing to the degree of his own private suffering. Later I would understand that it was simply his way of coping, which was different to mine. Taking on the practicalities of supplying shelter and protection for his family and making it work as quickly as possible.

Stress is a normal psychological and physical reaction to positive or negative situations in your life, such as a new job or the death of a loved one. Stress itself isn't abnormal or bad. What's important is how you deal with stress.

If you're having trouble coping, chronic stress can wear you down and overwhelm you. You may frequently be in a bad mood, your productivity may decrease, your relationships may suffer, you may develop sleep problems, and you might even find it difficult to go about your normal daily routine.

Go to your doctor for advice on how to move forward and cope with your stress and anxiety. Remember you have gone through trauma - it is normal to be faced with stressful situations.

Trauma

The first counsellor I checked out wanted me to tell her the whole story. And it was good to do that. Talking through the event seemed to make it more real—as if it really happened and it wasn't a bad dream. Talking helped our unconscious minds accept that this was it. It is usually easier to face and deal with trauma once you understand that what you are feeling is to be expected.

The websites below cover reactions to trauma - mental; emotional; physical and behavioural. It will help you and your family make sense of these feelings and put strategies in place to resolve any issues.

There is a healing process and you may need to find help to get through some things.

Here are links to web pages which offer help. Headspace : understanding trauma for young people Trauma Tips: Understanding and Healing part 1 of 4 Trauma Tips: Understanding and Healing part 2 of 4 Trauma Tips: Understanding and Healing part 3 of 4 Trauma Tips: Understanding and Healing part 4 of 4 HelpGuide: Coping with emotional and psychological trauma Trauma - reaction and recovery

Trauma and You

Trauma is an emotional response to an event or an experience that is deeply distressing or disturbing.

You may experience:

Anxiety or fear of danger, perhaps having a similar event happen again.
A need to avoid situations or thoughts that remind you of the event.
Vulnerability to loud noises or sudden movements.
Flashbacks where images of the traumatic event come into your mind suddenly for no apparent reason.
Physical symptoms such as tense muscles, trembling or shaking, nausea, headaches, sweating, and tiredness.
A lack of interest in usual activities, including loss of appetite or interest in sex.
Sadness, feelings of loss, or aloneness.
Sleep problems, including getting to sleep, waking in the middle of the night, dreams or nightmares.
Problems with thinking, concentration.
Preoccupation with thinking about the trauma.
Guilt and self-doubt for not having acted in some other way during the trauma, or for being better off than others, or feeling responsible for a part of the event.
Anger or irritability at what has happened, at the senselessness of it all, at what caused the event to happen, often asking “Why me?”.

Even if you have not sought advice prior to this point, you may want to get help now, not only with processing emotions but also to get the support you need to establish your new normal lifestyle and identity.

You are a survivor not a victim. A victim is a person injured or destroyed in pursuit of an object or in gratification of a passion.
A survivor is someone who continues to live in spite of a traumatic event. It is how you chose to live that is important.

Letting go of trauma

This is more difficult to do than these four words imply. Things don’t disappear on their own. If you've held onto the pain and grief for a long time, it feels like an old friend. Justified. It would be a violation to your memories to let it go.

You can let it go. Or you can relive the past, going over and over the details in your head. You have a choice. Make a conscious choice up-front. I let this go. I choose not to let this event define who I am and how I want to live.
Adapting these thoughts is a step in the right direction.

Express emotions, pain, feelings

Get it out. Not easy. Men and women experience trauma differently. Nonetheless, expressing emotion and feelings is a positive step that is likely to lead to a positive outcome.

Vent to a trusted friend or relative
Write a journal/diary
Write a letter you never send,
Make an appointment to see your GP for a mental health plan for a visit to a psychologist.

Replace negative thought patterns

Reliving painful, negative memories is not healthy, it adds to stress, it hurts our ability to focus, study and work, and it impacts on relationships. Every day you choose to hold onto a negative memory or thought is another day everybody around you has to live with that decision. And feel its consequences.

Negative thought replacement (3 articles ) is a method designed to reduce the amount of depressive and negative thoughts.

Whatever negative thought comes to mind, think or say the exact opposite. Positive words and thoughts breed positive words and thoughts.
Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying,

It’s alright. That was the past. I’m focused on ___ now.

It may take patience and consistent work, but replacing the negative with the positive will have a profound impact in the long-run.